I hate this time

This time of the month always fucks me up so bad. I stepped on the scale after a shower just now and it read 128 WWWWWWWTTTTTFFFFFFFFF. I and just at a loss for words. I can't believe I'm letting myself fall into old habits. I guess that's why I haven't been posting as much I feel so fucking guilty for letting myself slip. I tell myself that I don't care what I eat today and then i go shovel crap down my throat. I ate a pizza hut personal pizza yesterday and a english muffin with hummus and a can of soup aaaaaand a fucking penut butter and jelly sandwich and granola bar wtf? I know it doesn't seem like a lot but clearly it it way to much when it makes me gain like 3 lbs in 2 days. I just want to have fucking out bursts and scream in the middle of my house because:

I

HAVE

NO

CONTROL

I need to find it back and fast or I'm going to lose my mind and start suffering for it. I can't go back to how I was last year...sleeping all the time becoming anti social just freaking out for no reason. Depression is so terrifying to me. Tomorrow I need to:

1)Write my resume
2)Submit my resume to several businesses that I wouldn't mind working at. I'm going to set the bar high and say it needs to be at least 10
3)Vacuum out my car
4)put an add in the paper for the cats